Confessions, Confessions
by Akina Rose Sumora
Summary: [TotA oneshot, LukexTear] The Festival was nearly over, and she was no closer to knowing his true feelings! It had taken her this long just to know her own...but she had to know his tonight...


Confessions, Confessions...

Ok, so I was really bored New Year's Eve, and since a few of the ToA AIM chatters have been making random stories and oneshots and drabbles for ToA, I finally kept my promise to them to write a LukexTear oneshot! This will be the first story I write for this site that DOESN'T have anything to do with Yu Yu Hakusho, so please criticize freely if it sucks. I got the idea for this story from a scene in the AIM chats between Tear (played by me) and Natalia. You can find our thread containing the postings of the chats on the official "Tales of..." forums, under the News and Discussion subforum, called "ToTA AIM Names".

Without further ado, here is my first Tales of the Abyss fic. I do not own any aspect of this game.

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This wasn't working. None of it was working.

The Festival of Lorelei was nearly over- tonight was the last night!

_It can't go on like this..._ Tear thought to herself as she gazed out the window of her darkened bedroom in Baticul Castle. She knew very well that the group of her friends and a few slightly unwelcome guests would be gathered by now. There was to be a fireworks display later this evening to celebrate the close of the festival. Tomorrow, the group would split up again.

Jade and Guy had their duties in Grand Chokmah, and Anise in Daath. The various God-Generals that had appeared would have their own secret agendas, taking them elseware. Nephry would return to Keterburg, and Van...well, Tear didn't know what to expect from him. All this time, after never believing in his existence after he'd seemingly appeared to the other God-Generals, she had denied him. Now, when he came to see her during the festival, she didn't know what to think. Tear didn't have the heart to be angry with him any longer. And he seemed...reformed. He hadn't hurt anyone, or threatened...but still, she could hardly expect him to stay with her now. Natalia would remain in Baticul, with Mieu and...

Tear shook her head furiously. This was no time to get sentimental! _I ought to start packing..._ she thought as she turned away from the window. In fact, just to escape the storm of her feelings that she could not comprehend, she was seriously considering leaving Baticul tonight. That way, she wouldn't have to face anyone, or say goodbyes.

Walking to the bed, she spotted all the gifts she had received from everyone during the festival. There were several stuffed animals, since everyone had figured out her secret weakness. Tear especially liked the stuffed rappig Van had brought her, and the lovely sweater from Natalia. As she packed these along with her other possessions into her bag, she began to panic. Where was the dress that Emperor Peony had brought especially for her? Frantically rushing around the room, she came into the light from the window and noticed that she was already wearing the dress. Tear sighed in frustration, wondering when she had become so absentminded as to forget what she was wearing.

_You know when it started..._ taunted a little voice in her head. _When you started seeing Luke again-_

"No!" she said aloud. "I can't start thinking that..."

But she knew it was true. She had admitted it to Natalia a few nights ago. Ever since she had arrived in Baticul for the festival and was seeing Luke every day, Tear had become very confused. As the days went on, she'd found herself acting strange whenever the group of merrymakers gathered at Natalia's. And lately, she'd been getting annoyed with the slightest mishaps, leaving the room to calm down. More often than not, she would walk down to the harbor long after everyone went to sleep, and watch the water and think.

Especially after the night mistletoe had mysteriously appeared around the hall. Tear had been the only person to be caught under it...multiple times, too. She turned bright red at that memory, when everyone else was insisting that she keep the rules of the game, and Luke had...

Sighing, Tear leaned her head against the glass of the window, hoping it would cool her cheeks. She couldn't stop thinking about Luke, no matter how hard she tried. And after all, she had run outside with him after the party that same night, and...did the same thing...

So Natalia was right after all. Summing up everything that had happened over the past eleven nights, Tear knew the truth for real now. She did love Luke. Breathing a sigh, this time of relief, she thanked Yulia that the festival had helped her to know her feelings at last. However, it wasn't solving her problem.

Even though she had made this discovery, she couldn't be happy with that alone.

Tear knew she had to find out if Luke felt the same way.

_It's better to leave it the way it is..._ the voice came again. _You know there wouldn't be much of a relationship between the two of you..._

Her mind was right about that one. Teodoro Grants had several errands and missions that he could not trust to others in the Order of Lorelei, and therefore sent Tear to do them. He had graciously allowed her to spend the holiday with her friends in Baticul, but most of the time he had Tear traveling all over the place. She was rarely in the same city two nights in a row. And she knew he would never allow her to remain in Baticul indefinitely.

Nor could Luke travel with her. Teodoro would forbid that as well, she knew. And Tear was sure that Luke's parents would never permit it either. Feeling sad, she began to hum Yulia's hymns, as they usually helped her feel peaceful. But they did little to soothe her tonight.

Even if...Tear didn't dare to hope, but even if Luke's answer was yes, they would hardly ever see each other. She knew from reading novels Natalia loaned her that while long-distance relationships were considered romantic, they didn't always work out. And even though Luke had promised...well, promises didn't cope well against the harshness of reality.

Tear was startled out of her melancholy thoughts and her gentle humming when there was a knock on the door. "Tear! Are you in there?" called a voice. She stiffened- it was Luke. _Why now of all times?_ she thought furiously as she went to the door. Opening it partway, she peeked around the edge. Yes, it was Luke, looking a little irritated.

"I know, I'm late, right?" she questioned before he could open his mouth again.

"Yeah, you're late! We're about to go down to the courtyard to see the fireworks! Everyone's waiting for you!" Luke folded his arms and glared at her from under his long red bangs.

"I'm sorry," Tear apologized, opening the door wider. "I was getting ready, and packing, so I suppose I lost track of the time."

"Packing? What for?" Luke looked confused.

Tear walked back over to the window as he followed her inside and shut the door. "I'm leaving Baticul tomorrow, remember? Grandfather expects me back in Yulia City."

"Oh, right..." Luke dropped his scowl and rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "I kinda got used to having everyone around again, and I guess I forgot you'd all be leaving."

"I wish I didn't have to..." Tear muttered before she realized she'd said it out loud.

"Really? Why don't you stay then? Forget what your grandfather says."

_No! What did I say that for? What do I say now? _Tear was panicking.

"Luke...you know I can't do that. I have obligations to my grandfather just as you have them for your parents. At any rate, I have to stay with him at least until I'm of age to be on my own. And even then, family ties are binding. I can't easily leave him."

"Yeah, I know, I was just kidding. I know you have to go. And I don't want you to go either," Luke replied.

_...He doesn't want me to go? What does that mean? _said the voice in Tear's mind.

_Now you have to tell him! Say it! _said the voice in Tear's heart.

"It can't be helped," Tear told him. "Everyone has to do things they don't like."

"Tear...are you ok?" Luke came closer so he could see her in the faint light from the window. "I mean, have you been up here all this time, in the dark?"

"Where else would I have been?"

"But why in the dark?"

_Stop asking me so many questions! _"Maybe I like the dark."

"Can you even see what you're doing?"

"Enough to pack with." Tear's mind was going in dizzying circles. She couldn't keep still much longer.

"Tear, stop it. Something's wrong if you're sitting here by yourself in the dark when everyone's having fun without you, and they're-"

"SHUT UP!"

Luke paused in mid-sentence as Tear turned to face him. She was trembling.

"Luke, please stop it. You...you're not making this easy for me."

"What are you-"

"Let me finish. There's something I have to say, right now." Tear took a deep breath. _I can do it. No looking back now. I have to say it._

"All this time, ever since I heard that you were spending a lot of time away from home, I've been worrying about you. Those three days I spent in Chesedonia searching for you were probably the most nerve-wracking three days of my life since you went away last year. And then, when I finally saw you again...you have no idea what I've been going through! I've been rude to people, acted strange, and made no sense whatsoever in anything. And thanks to mischievous people we know, I've been embarrassed and lost most of the dignity I had as a Locrian Sargent! And you know what? I don't even care anymore! Because for the past eleven days while all this was going on, I couldn't keep you out of my thoughts for one second! I thought maybe you knew, but it hasn't seemed like it at all. So I have to say it again, before anyone else shows up and I lose my nerve again! Luke, I'm in love with you!"

The tears were beginning to fall as Tear, short of breath, continued to ramble on, not caring anymore if Luke was even listening to her.

"But not once over this holiday have you shown me any caring feelings at all! That stupid mistletoe prank...I thought maybe then...but you didn't seem to care at all! It meant nothing to you, didn't it? And the night in the snow...and when I hit my head, and...when Van came back...nothing mattered to you, did it?! I thought you cared, and you never showed me any sign and..." Tear had to stop for breath, and began sobbing freely.

She felt a hand on her shoulder as Luke awkwardly patted her, and then somehow her head was resting against his chest and his arms were protectively around her. Luke stood silent, letting Tear release all the built-up emotions she had been holding in for so long. Tear felt grateful that he wasn't trying to say anything yet. But she was even more grateful that he hadn't left.

When the flood of tears died away and left sniffling and quiet trembling in its wake on Tear's part, Luke brought his hands to her shoulders and held her at arm's length. Tear met his deep green eyes, afraid to think about what he would say or do. But he simply smiled, and said:

"I'm sorry, Tear. If I'd had any idea that was what was bothering you, I would have said something sooner. I...I'm really sorry I put you through all that." He brushed her bangs back from her forehead so he could see both of her lovely, though wet, blue eyes. "I do love you, Tear. That's what I kept my promise for. I wouldn't have said that if I wasn't coming back. So you don't have to worry anymore. I do care, a lot."

Tear couldn't believe her ears. She could only blink and try to grasp his words.

He did care? That's why he made that promise to return? She seemed to only remember his last words.

"I...won't have to worry anymore? But...there's so many things that could go wrong..."

Luke put a finger to her lips, stilling her words. "No more. Don't even think about it now." He was still smiling, with a fake-stern look on his face as he put his hand to the side of her hot face.

Tear's heart beat very fast and she felt as if she could hardly get enough breath into her lungs as Luke bent over her. Closing her eyes, she braced herself for whatever was coming next.

And in return for the months of longing and self-torture she had suffered, she received a kiss that she knew meant much more than the one before. She could feel the love, as they stood there before the window, while the first fireworks lit up the sky. They seemed to announce the one thing Tear had unconsciously wanted to hear all this time.

_Don't worry about tomorrow, it's enough to know that we love each other now..._

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How was that? Fluffy enough for you? I liked it, and I hope you do too! Reviews would be appreciated!


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